Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
