yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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