A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
