I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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