I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
