I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize