what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
