are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
