on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
