he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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