I want to walk on stilts...naked
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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