I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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