Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
