that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
