my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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