My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
