What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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