hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
