I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
