Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
