You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
