my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
