you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
