We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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