yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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