We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I could make wine with my vomit
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
