haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
please come you make the beer taste better
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
