the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
