You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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