i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize