I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
