His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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