He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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