My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
