My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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