It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
