Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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