I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
