One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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