His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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