Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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