I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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