What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
