So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
