I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
