I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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