so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You are the jesus of drinking
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
