please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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