If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
