yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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