I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
