Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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