he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
