Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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