How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
