Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
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His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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