I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
