I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
