just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
