Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
