people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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