when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
