hotel room ftw
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
