bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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