I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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