roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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