I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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