Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
