We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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