i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
