Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize