If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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