I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
