i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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