Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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