no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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