i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
