look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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