Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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