you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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