You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
