My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
